"It is difficult to find happiness within ourselves, and it is quite impossible to find it anywhere else"
NICOLAS CHAMFORT
While in the past I often desperately tried to live up to worldly standards as if remotely controlled, today I no longer attach great importance to the standards and norms created by society.
Born
1965 in Riedenburg as the eldest of three children. Brought into the home when I was around 1.8 years old, which caused me to develop separation anxiety. The rest of my childhood and teenage years were characterized by fear, loneliness, coercion, and mental and physical violence. In my childish desperation and loneliness, I started having conversations with God. This is how my self-discovery began. However, it took almost 50 more years for me to “awaken.” With the worries and fears that I encountered throughout my life, my understanding and compassion for the worries and fears of my fellow human beings grew, whereupon the desire to "want to help" appeared in my consciousness. The more I thought about this wish, the more joy I felt.
This is how my soul showed me who I really am, namely what brings me joy.
The free and non-binding is exactly what you need!
More about me
How can I help you?
Experience
At the time I was born, most parents were essentially concerned with obedience. As a rule, children were not allowed to decide anything for themselves, but had to submit to the will, ideas and views of their parents. Instead of running around on walks, we had to walk obediently alongside our parents, as my parents thought "decent, well-behaved" children should do. Whether it was clothing, leisure activities, friends, or career choices, my parents determined what was good or bad for me. They controlled every area of my existence, even how I should feel was dictated to me.
Back then, violence was a completely legitimate means; after all, you only want the best for your child. Or students, because teachers were also allowed to use such means to get us on the “right path”.
At some point I completely lost myself in order to conform to the norms and customs of the general public, as was expected of me. I had learned that "I" as I was didn't get the love I so longed for, so I gave up on myself,
to be everything my parents thought was endearing.
Around the age of 14, my mother not only told me that she never wanted me, that I was the result of rape and that my father was a criminal, but also that she didn't want to hand me over to the American couple who would have liked to adopt me . Instead, she confided in a violent alcoholic who made life hell for us children (my brother was born 1.5 years after me) and for her.
Either because she saw no other way out or because she was given no choice, we both had to separate from our mother soon afterwards.
When my brother and I came to the home, I must have suffered a lot because I can still feel the pain of separation today.
As such a small child, you can't understand why your mother leaves you. As a child who looks up to his parents, he always looks for the fault in himself!
It says:
I am not smart, good, beautiful, good enough.
My mother also told me that she sometimes visited my brother and me. And that many children called her mom, pleading and crying, because they all wanted their mom back, whose face they could no longer remember, and hoped that it was her.
Her visits were probably a source of joy for us, at least until we realized that she hadn't come to take us home.
When I returned to my mother about a year later, fears of loss, separation and existential fears were omnipresent as a constant threat.
I know the feeling of fear and uncertainty more than I would like. But it is only because of the fears and insecurities that I have experienced that I can empathize with the grief of the many people who have lost their self-confidence or self-confidence due to these or similar separation pains.
Such experiences can haunt us for the rest of our lives because our subconscious doesn't forget anything!
Without knowing exactly where our insecurities and our fears come from, we are at their mercy every day until we have figured out where they come from and have learned to detach ourselves from them.
I can help you with this!
Because I have walked the same path myself and know how to walk it.
As a child, you know no guilt, because you are just you. And you love not only yourself, but also all other beings.
You then learn from your environment what is lovable or desirable and what is not, i.e. how to divide things into good and bad.
This man-made consciousness of good and evil has nothing in common with the truth and goodness of your actual existence.
But it's the only thing you're aware of, so you live and optimize yourself according to these worldly standards.
Our longing for love, appreciation and integration makes us go to extremes.
Because the more we want to do justice to worldly views, the more critically we view ourselves.
Not like someone who loves themselves unconditionally, but like a critic who is looking for fodder for his criticism!
What others used to do for us, we now do ourselves and we realize:
I am not smart, slim, athletic, hardworking, tall, fast, successful, beautiful... good enough, I am not lovable!
In worldly reality, you have to earn everything, including love for yourself.
And so anyone who describes themselves as beautiful to the world will
Although in the opinion of the majority he is far too fat, he is more laughed at than taken seriously.
Those who listen to the world instead of themselves will try to diet because they want to be loved by this world.
If you love yourself, do what you love!
Do you lack self-love or self-acceptance?
I can help you!
For a long time I too couldn't accept the child in me that my mother never wanted.
Instead of loving myself, I judged myself to be unworthy of living because of my transgressions. The resulting guilt caused me to have suicidal thoughts. It was a very difficult time for me as I was not alone, I had 3 children who had no one else but me. During this time, the reality that I was aware of and tried to live up to pushed me to my limits.
Dead end, I didn't want to fight anymore!
But even when I didn't feel love for myself, two things saved me:
the love for my children and the still immature knowledge of another truth that made me hope and search.
To know
In order to understand yourself, people, life and the world, you need the necessary knowledge!
Nobody can understand something that they know nothing about. For example, if you want to operate an electrical device that you are completely unfamiliar with, you must first read the operating instructions. If you want to learn a profession, you have to do training.
It's the same with life!
There is a reality that you are aware of and another that you are unconscious of because it has not yet made it back into your consciousness.
The reality you are aware of and the lack of knowledge prevents this.
The reality you are aware of is a collection of stories, experiences and feelings. Since every person has a different perception, our realities differ in their individual components. While the reality you are aware of applies to you alone, the universal reality applies to everyone and everything!
We humans are subject to this reality, either consciously or unconsciously.
The knowledge of this one true reality, like any other knowledge, can be acquired if you seek with an honest heart.
I can help you!
I have this knowledge that can change your perspective on things and, if you want, your entire life for the better.
Because, just as you can't get your new electrical appliance to work without effort if you have the wrong operating instructions,
Without the right guidance, people cannot find happiness or can only find it with a lot of effort and loss of time. I myself am the best example of this.
Finding myself again without instructions took almost 50 years.
With a mentor at your side who understands you and knows how to do it, you can do it 100 times faster!
I trust your strength, trust me too! I'll show you what's inside you!